What? Next your going to tell me that there is no Santa Claus.

I can't believe this. It's probably the most shocking news I've heard in my life. I hate to be the one to tell you, ladies, but it's right here on my yahoo this morning staring me in the face. It appears, and I have to assume this is as shocking to everyone else as it is to me, it seems that one of the greatest voices in the history of pop is... I really don't know how to say this, so I'll just come out and say it... Clay Aiken is gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT!?!?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

How could this be? No one could have predicted this, and I don't mean that in a no one could have predicted 9/11 type of way. I mean no one could have predicted this.

The guy seemed so straight. If he's gay, I don't know what to think. My gaydar must be totally off. Next your going to tell me that many member of the Republican party like to have sex in male bathrooms. I suppose after that you'll tell me that Anderson Cooper has been known to hit for the other team. I'm sorry, but I am not willing to believe the gays have this much poser. There is no way this is true.

Maybe one of those gay activist got a hold of him. You know the type. They are always out there, stuffing their lifestyle down my throat. What with their parades and their dance music. Well, look what you done now, gay activist, you've turned a guy who was totally into the ladies into a homo. I hope you are proud of yourself. How do you sleep at night?

Well, actually I imagine you sleep quite well. I mean with promoting your agenda all day, then the dancing at the club, and then gay sex all night. Actually, better question... How do you find time to sleep at night with all these activities? And a follow up, how do you keep looking so good and stylish with so little sleep? Do you take vitamins? Do you use moisturizers? What is your secret? I'd do anything for that figure...

Oh, no look at me. I think I've caught the gay!!!