Chapter 1: What the Hell Happened to Aerosmith?

Anyone who loves the rock has to have asked themselves this question at some point or another. You're sitting around the house listening to Toys in the Attic and you say to yourself, "What the hell happened to Aerosmith?" I mean, how can a band bring this much rock and then turn into one of the most craptastic bands on the planet?. These guys are legitimately referred to by many as "America's Greatest Rock n' Roll Band", yet in the past fifteen years they've hit us with some of the most heinous recording in the history of music. "Cryin'", "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing", and "Pink"? Are fucking kidding me?

To paraphrase Gram Parsons, it's so sad to see good rock go bad. How does something like this happen? In order to figure it out we must first take a look at Aerosmith's career and see that they truly did rock in the first place. Was it just a fluke that they put out great rock for a decade? Did they just get lucky? Were they just a product of their times? My goal is to show that there was one factor that was there when Aerosmith rocked and was gone when they stopped rocking. Drugs.

The story of Aerosmith begins like many bands. They met, decided they wanted to rock, got together and rocked. It's that simple. That's how it always starts. What makes the story of Aerosmith interesting is that they actually were really good. They got signed to Columbia records and in 1973 released their self-titled debut album.

Aerosmith opens with "Make it" and never really slows down other than "Dream On". "Mama Kin", "Write Me a Letter", and "Movin' Out" are all classics, and the cover of "Walkin' the Dog" to close the album is pure genius. "Dream On" was released as a single and originally peaked at #59. Not great, but rock legends are not made overnight. It was a start. The band went out on the road, did drugs, wrote songs, and built a fan base.

In 1974, Aerosmith released their second album Get Your Wings, which features the stand out tracks "Same Old Song and Dance", "Lord of the Thighs", and "Train Kept A-Rollin'". This album also sees producer Jack Douglas come into the fold. The album sold well. They had a couple of songs on the radio. They were gaining in popularity and then...

Toys in the Attic was released on April 8, 1975. Rarely in history has so much rock been put onto a piece of vinyl. Rolling Stone put this album in at number 228 on their list of the 500 Greatest Albums of All Time. This is the point in my life when I began to question Rolling Stone. Are you trying to tell me there are 227 better albums than this? Not if you like to rawk. The damn thing kicks off with "Toys in the Attic" for Christ sake. Hell, if that song was released on it's own it cracks the top 200. But it doesn't stop there, it's got "Sweet Emotion", "Walk this Way", "No More No More", "Big Ten Inch Record" and "Round and Round". This isn't a greatest hits album folks, it's an actual album. 228? Give me a damn break.

Anyway, Toys in the Attic established Aerosmith as one of the preeminent rock bands of their time. People actually mentioned them in the same breath as Led Zeppelin. Seriously. It happened. That's how good they were. Hell, Randall "Pink" Floyd said in Dazed and Confused that seeing Aerosmith was the social event of the season.

Given the greatness that is Toys in the Attic you would think that the boys were primed for a stinker. Well, barely a year later Aerosmith released Rocks, which Rolling Stone thinks is better (#176). I would argue with that, but it is without a doubt another classic. It starts out with "Back in the Saddle", which has to be one of the best album openers ever, and goes right into "Last Child", which has to be one of the funkiest songs a bunch of crackers from New England ever wrote.

Aerosmith followed up Rocks with Draw the Line and the decline had begun. Personally, I think the album has it's moments, but you can tell that the constant touring, drug use, and putting out five albums in five years was wearing on the boys. "Draw the Line" is a classic track, along with "King and Queens" and "I Wanna Know Why", but the album does not hold up compared to the previous efforts.

Not wanting to mess with a good thing, the boys soldiered on. The toured for Draw the Line and followed that up with the, quite frankly, terrible album Night in the Ruts. Joe Perry left the band in the middle of the recording of the album and it was also the first album since Get Your Wings that was not produced by Jack Douglas.

And here is where it happens. This is the moment when great rock bands die. What does Aerosmith do? Well, first they keep the train going. The replace Joe Perry and Brad Whitford with some chumps and release Rock in a Hard Place. At some point the get back together and release Done With Mirrors (although, ironically, they weren't.) And then it happens...

Tim Collins, the band's manager, tells the boys that he can make them the biggest band in the world if they all go through the dreaded rehab. And the rock died that day. Notice how they weren't told, "You guys will rock again, if you go to rehab." No, no one could make that promise. They were told they would be "biggest band in the world"; and, in turn, make a lot of cash.

When I was talking about Draw the Line, I mentioned that the band had been touring, recording, and doing drugs nonstop for about six years. Why is it that drugs are the first thing everyone attacks? Maybe people aren't meant to be on tour or in a studio for six straight years? Did anyone think of that?

No. They go to rehab and make a "comeback". I put comeback in quotes because we all know that the real Aerosmith will never comeback. Those guys died at some point during the recording of Night in the Ruts and they never returned.

We all know what happens next. They release Permanent Vacation which includes "Angel" and Aerosmith would never be the same. They subsequently release albums with tunes like "Janie's Got a Gun", "What it Takes", and the sucktastic trio on Get a Grip: "Cryin", "Crazy" and "Amazing". Seriously, all three of those songs were on the same freakin' album. I have to believe Joe Perry punches himself in the face while these guys are in the studio. How does this happen?

I'll tell you how... they stopped doing drugs. There is no other explanation. Did they keep touring? Yes. Did they keep recording? Yes. The only thing they stopped doing was drugs and now they suck. Ask yourself this, would someone who was high on coke record "I Don't Wanna to Miss a Thing"? That would never happen. I don't even know if it would be physically possible.

So, thank you, Tim Collins, for fucking up "America's Greatest Rock n' Roll Band." Thanks, from all of us who love the rawk. There is a special place in hell for people like you.

Introduction.

So, I've had this idea for a while. I want to write a book based on the idea that a certain segment of our population needs to be on drugs. I'm talking about rock stars, comedians, and other entertainers. We count on them and their addictions to make great art. We crave it. We buy their albums, go to their movies, and read their books; and we count on them to abuse themselves for our pleasure. We need them to be hooked on all kinds of substances. We need them to ruin their personal relationships. That's what they do. We all play a role in society and there's is just as, if not more, important as any Senator or CEO.

We expect these folks to live on the edge. It's part of their job. Normal folks don't have jobs where we can go on a three day coke binge and not get fired. Most of us can't just go out and have sex with any model we want. Most of us can't show up to work too drunk to walk and still get paid. We'd like to, but whether you are a mortgage broker or a pharmaceutical salesmen there are certain things we can't get away with. We understand that and we're willing to make certain sacrifices, but we expect our entertainers to live that life for us.

This blog is about what happens when they stop living that life. What happens when they hit that point in their life where they think they can still be entertaining without the drugs. When they find some woman their going to settle down and start a family with, and someone convinces them to go to the most dreaded place for anyone who is a fan of great art... REHAB!!! This person, usually their manager or their wife, has no interest in great art. No they are interested in cold hard cash. Sure, they'll say they just care about them and don't want to hear about them overdosing one night on the tour. Bullshit!! They are on the gravy train and they want to stay on it. They want them to start mailing it in.

We all know what happens next. We read somewhere that said rock star has decided to stop abusing themselves. They then make the rounds all over the media talking about how they are clean and sober and better than ever. Then they put out some mediocre album that their label is going to put a big promotional budget behind because they know that this rock star will actually show up for shit now because he's sober and realizes his hot ass wife married him for money.

It's a sad tale and it's been played out way too many times, but no one ever talks about the victims in these tales. What about us, the album and ticket buying public? We're just supposed to buy this crap? Sure we could just start listening to some new band that's all coked up, but we feel like we have a relationship with these guys. We bought all their previous albums. We went to the movies. We know they can do it. We've seen it. Surely the drugs weren't the only thing that drew us to them. Right?

My hope is that some young rock star will read this when he's thinking about going to rehab. He'll realize that he can always get a divorce, he can get a new manager, but what he can't do is stop being a fucking rock star. Rock stars don't show up on time. They show up when they damn well feel like it. Rock stars don't sober up. They turn it up to eleven. That's the point of being a fucking rock star. So, buck up big guy. One more line of coke. One more pill. One more drink. Do it for the kids!!!